okdoufingerurself:

*walks by a mirror* who is she

(via meqabitch)

xpw:

so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums. 

(via dial7tomeetmeonthepharcyde)

alvxandra:

image

i’ve never seen something so accurate

(via dial7tomeetmeonthepharcyde)

I’m constantly torn between the ‘be kind to everyone’ and the ‘fuck everyone you owe them nothing’ mentalities 

(Source: goblinparty, via jceeser88)

ostracizedpoodle:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions

(via tellme-youloveme-perfectly)